Reasons and Regrets
by bogart
Summary: To this day, he's still not sure why he decided to let her live. Black Widow/Hawkeye...could be romance if you squint.


I'll proudly admit to having no shame. I saw Avengers three times in the first four days it was in theaters. Two of those times was within the first twenty four hours. I've slowly become obsessed with the relationship between Black Widow and Hawkeye. Mostly because it reminded me very much of how my best friend and I interact with each other. This story…or whatever you want to call it, came out of me just sitting at my computer with no ideas planned out.

* * *

To this day, he's still not sure why he decided to let her live. To his superiors, he would say it was because he saw she could be an asset. To his coworkers, he would shrug and say that it didn't matter because it was the right call. To himself, in those rare moments that he classified as weakness, he called it fate intervening.

No matter what the reason he gives, he does not regret his decision. Before….before that day, he had been walking a thin line. Classified as difficult to work with, uncooperative, unable to follow standard protocol. He had changed handlers and partners too many times to count and Fury was quickly running out of agents to pair him with. He may be one of the best agents S.H.I.E.L.D. had, but that just meant he had a longer leash than most, and he was reaching the end of his. Making the call that day had nearly cost him his job, he knew. No one, not even Fury himself, would come out and say it, but Clint knew it to be true.

After, in what he was sure his superiors considered punishment, he was paired with her. At first, it was difficult. Neither of them were used to working in a team and were set in their ways. They butted heads more than once and more than one mission ended less than perfectly. He could tell Fury was growing tired of the problems and was ready to separate them…until Budapest. That mission was the mission from hell. She saved his ass more than once, and he returned the favor. Stuck hiding out for two days until S.H.I.E.L.D. could extract them, the pair learned to trust each other. From that point on, things were easier. They quickly rose from the duo who was one mission away from unemployment to two of the top ranking agents in the field. After eighteen months of working together, when protocol declared that it was time for them to receive new partners, Couslon and Fury broke protocol to make sure the two stayed together. Not every mission required them to be paired, and even after months apart, they would reunite as if nothing had changed.

Leaning on the doorway of the bathroom in the hotel room that their employer was paying for, he watched her as she stood out on the balcony. Hair moving slightly in the breeze, she gazed out upon the remains of the city. From her stance, he could tell she was uneasy. Walking slowly out to the balcony, he stood behind her quietly and waited. Not ten hours earlier, they had been on the streets below fighting to save the entire planet. Eventually, she turned to face him and he could see the exhaustion in her eyes. To anyone else, all they would see was the fiery look of the Black Widow. For him, it was different. He knew her was well as he knew himself. When they were alone was the only time either felt safe enough to put their guard down. Years of partnership meant that communication no longer needed words, just glances. He gave her a weary smile and she grabbed his hand. Turning to face the city, she pulled him closer. He wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on her head.

"You okay?" he mumbled into her hair, looking out at the now dark city.

There was a silence between them for several moments before she answered. "Yes. Tired doesn't even begin to cover it. What about you?"

He contemplated the question for a moment. "As okay as to be expected, I think." He looked up at the sky, unable to see the stars. "It will be better tomorrow…when he's gone."

She turned to face him and he knew she heard the unspoken regret in his voice. "Don't." she said, staring him in the eye. "You did amazing work today. Don't try to undermine it by blaming yourself for things Loki did."

He sighed. "Nat, I killed people. I killed agents. I could have killed _you_. I could have tried harder to fight it. I could have-"

She cut him off, voice still soft. "You couldn't have killed me. I wouldn't have let you." She smirked. "And you couldn't have fought it. Selvig couldn't fight it and his IQ is off the charts. Loki did those things. You were just a tool for him to accomplish his goals."

"But.."

She shook her head. "No buts. Loki is a monster." She reached up at touched his face. "You are not. You are a good man who helped save the world today."

He nodded, thinking. Nothing but time was going to make him feel better about his actions, controlled or uncontrolled, over the past week. Natasha's words were a comfort to him, even if it was just a small comfort.

"Thank you." He said after awhile. Nat nodded, even though she knew he wasn't completely whole again. She yawned.

"Bed?" He questioned, quietly. She eyed the bed wearily even though she was beyond exhausted. "Come on, " he said, pulling her gently into the room and shutting the door. "No nightmares for either of us tonight, I think."

She smiled in agreement and climbed into one side of the bed. Moments later, he followed, wrapping one arm around her. Both faced the door out of habit….just in case.

He sighed, content for a moment, as he fell into a dreamless sleep.

Yeah….no matter what reason he gives for saving her, he doesn't regret it for a moment.


End file.
